Indubitabil, Nu Conteaza.

Sensing a bit of rust on my copywriting skills.
Wondering if the New Year will bring in some boost.
Feeling the need to share a coffee with a friend I haven’t met yet.
Trying to cope with what my life’s becoming.

My former domain has been hacked.

Last week, I decided to give up womanchild85 DOT blogspot DOT com and turn it into womanchildisdead.blogspot.com, to announce my moving to a new blog address. Someone with a wicked mind thought it would be cool to turn womanchild85 into a suitable place for… porn. They duplicated my template and took out one post to put on display, then placed some adult finder and… voila! you’ve got content. I have a name in mind and deeper implications that go along, but will leave it at that. NOT worth my time.

So here’s a disclaimer: I DECLINE ANY INVOLVEMENT WITH THAT SITE and will no longer sign anything on blogspot.com under this nickname. Womanchild IS dead and so it will stay. I moved the content of my former blog in here. As soon as I get some time, I’ll fix the listing plus edit or remove some older posts.

Welcome to NuConteaza.com!

Tu vei fi acolo? La Cluj, pe 8 decembrie. Detalii pe www.geekmeet.ro.

Iar Filip Chereches-Tosa e un om fain.

As if I didn’t have enough to worry about, this morning I received another gloomy piece of information:

on short notice, I must move out!

The landlady will have her daughter move back ASAP, which kinda sucks ‘cuz I’ve no energy to look around for anything right now and no actual thread to follow.

[RO] Voi, astia care cautati colega de camera, fiti gentili si contactati-ma!

I am nice person, very nice. :D

by A Fine Frenzy

O ascult intruna, pe repeat. No wonder why…

Don’t know what to do anymore
I’ve lost the only love worth fighting for
I’ll drown in my tears
Don’t they see?
That which show you that which make you hurt like me
All the same
I don’t want mudslinging games
It’s such a shame
To let you walk away

Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?

Don’t know if our fate’s already sealed
This day’s spinning surface on a wheel
I’m ill with the thought of your kiss
Coffee laced intoxicating on her lips
Cut it out
I’ve got no claim on you now
Not allowed to wear your freedom down

Chorus..

I’ll tear myself away
That is what you need
There is nothing left to say
But

Chorus…
The day’s still ashes and wine
Or are we ashes?

Si 2 evenimente in plus.

Pe burta, in pat, cu sosete groase americanesti in picioare, cu pantaloni rosii hawaiian-cut si o bluza verde-pranz, I feel on top of the world. Sau incerc sa, fiindca de 2 zile locuiesc singura, cucule. Tot de 2 zile incerc sa-mi omor plictiseala cum pana acum n-am reusit, fiind prea ocupata sa cos cu ata alba o chestie pe care nici salvamarii n-ar mai fi scos-o la liman. Deci: lumea mea s-a dezvrajit brusc si a trebuit sa fac fata celui mai ingenios plan de evadare, de la “Prison Break” incoace, pe care un barbat l-a putut pune la cale ajutat de prieteni. Nu regret ce s-a intamplat, ci CUM s-a intamplat. Dar astea-s detalii. Conteaza ca marinimia si generozitatea triumfa, Binele invinge raul iar noi mai putem iesi inca la o pizza…

Cel mai misto e ca, daca pana acum imi cautam room-mate, mai nou s-ar putea sa n-am unde sta. My landlady vrea sa se mute inapoi. Fun, fun, fun! Deci, iata-ma in prag de iarna, cu degetul in gura si ochii mari cat cepele ca nu stiu de unde sa incep cautarile. Am un fir pentru un locsor cald, undeva pitoresc fix in buricul capitalei, la o rascruce de drumuri cu noroc. Dar e numai un fir, gen paraias; eu am nevoie de un fluviu, bai!

PS: Am fost aseara la “Surprize, Surprize” dar pana nu primesc pozele, nu suflu nici “Pss!”. In seara asta, merg la DJ Vadim; am castigat o invitatie de la Metropotam. Mai multe detalii, pe blogul evenimentului. Revin cu detalii.

UPDATE: Frigul si ploaia m-au tinut in casa, iar DJ Vadim a cantat aseara pentru altii mai putin lenesi.

Bestest feeling in the world: @work, with the music turned out LOUD and the gr8est playlist I could ever listen to. GOOD night, no, I say: awesome!

No wonder I keep losing friends; I make the saddest choices. Pfff…

“Frica de singuratate recent aparuta in formele ei maladive este terenul cel mai propice al compromisurilor si umilintelor umane. Din aceeasi frica, ne ratam vietile, iubim umbre de persoane si ne alegem orbite periferice. Ne arunca in fata privelistii a unui neant interior aparut pe fondul uitarii unor relevatii initiale.”

Adi, ce frumos mi-ai furat subiectul! Acum tb sa inventez ceva nou. :)

I used to admire strong women - “a woman like a man“, as Damien Rice puts it in one of his songs… Not anymore, I don’t. They all seem fake and plastic on the outside. And on the inside, they look just like cardboard paper boxes: overused and on the go to be recycled.

***
I have a vision of me which I tame will not be accomplished. Don’t know, I get this weird intense feeling that circles stretch around my waist, my heart, my neck… It’s like a kabuki nightmare you want to put an end to but can’t drop the curtain. I isolate myself in times like these. I too become a cardboard paper woman. Only my recycling brings me to a better world… Well, I got newsflash for you: this better world hasn’t happened in ages!
***
A few days ago, I met someone funny and smart and witty and… I just rest my case. I do admit it: I’m a pusher. And good people that happen to cross my way become idols, dolls, then rags. Not all of them, no. But some, the best, if not cherished properly, end up losing themselves to me and me to them. A mambo-jumbo that often requires heart surgery after and tons of cellulose wasted on hankies.

Tonight I feel lonely. I feel so not me (and it’s not even the first time it happens). No, not depressed, just not me. I read Adi’s blog but cannot match the feeling. I am not a philosopher, though I studied philosophy for 2 years… Maybe I forgot it all, it happens. Or maybe it’s there, in the back of my head… But anywayz, this is not the point.

Tonight I’m sad and for good reasons. I am not a strong woman, at least not the strong woman YOU think you’d find in me. But I do my best at being bold. And I fail. And I get kicked in the ass. And I read books. Not self-help best-sellers, no. Plain library books, like Harper-Collins/Humanitas editions or so. (Yet, too seldom to mention.)

I love good books but have no time to finish any. The most recent book I read in whole was Rosa Montero’s “La hija del canibal”, translated in Romanian as “Ziua Inocentilor”. And I never finish my ideas, as you may well see.

So, being bold once does not guarantee you become imune for life to critics. And, as one said in a certain comment on a certain blog, “I like coaches and trainers better than critics” (my guess is critics are a lost profession).

Yes, lack of motivation kills. No instantaneously but like poison, in slow motion. It is what’s happening to me for a while now: can’t find joy in anything I do. I live routine like mechanical watches, counting the days as they pass by, slower or faster, rainy or sunny, better or worse.

For me, LOVE’s not a word, it is The Ultimate Remedy. I need a higher motivation, a reason to wake up in the morning and wink at the face in the mirror. And I believe a feeling of humongous proportions can embed it all: pleasure and pain, living and dying, rebirth and renewal. I believe it can transcend the gaps and cracks and spaces open that suck us in and lose our joy and hope.

I’ve had only one great passion and other big or smaller crushes. I even hallucinated of being in love, until I realized it was only an egoistical approach to bedroom and boredom. But NOW… Now it all has to be perfect. At least, the closest carbon copy to perfection. I am aware there’s no such thing on Earth as “identical fit”, but I could wear a glove with +/-0,01 inches failure…